“Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening[…]Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed.” — Alice Walker
∞ My Diary
∞ My food
∞ 5K / 10K Training
∞ My Natural Hair
I have a Nursing blog
Yesss exactly. And that’s the issue I have. I’ve chased boys ever since I was younger because I longed for male attention that I never received from my dad. It just makes me so angry that I never had the chance to have a loving male figure in my life as neither of my grandfathers are living and I don’t have any close uncles. I know I’d respect myself and hold my esteem much higher if I had just been shown my worth in the proper way.
the worst is having a dream where someone loves you and you can practically feel them touching you and it feels so real and then you wake up and it’s like the life is being sucked out of you and the happiness just drains out of your body and you feel empty again
I got into a huge fight with my dad the other night and I told him straight up that I have low self esteem and don’t know how to even be expected to be treated by a man because he never gave me affection. He was just a dictator and enforcer. He never made me feel loved and never made me feel like a princess. I told him that and He had the absolute nerve to say that it’s my fault that we don’t have a relationship. Like I was obligated to reach out him and show him affection first. I was the fucking child, how am I supposed to know how to be close and affectionate if you don’t pave the way?
I have such a default and a such a horrible obsession for male attention (that I never receive) because of him, and he has the nerve to tell me that it’s my fault that we weren’t close. No wonder I’m so mentally fucked up.